25 January 2010

risk + reward

Some musings tonight from my Evening Pages [supposed to be Morning Pages, but I'm trying something new, to see if it works better for me. Three pages of brain dumping at the end of the day. I'm sleeping way better and creating more, if that's any sign]


Just thoughts, I'll come back with more complete ones later ...


+ I think I could be pushed to the edge of myself every day if I could be refreshed as deeply as I was tonight, after the end of a very edge-pushing day.


+ How is it that the riskiest/most roller-coaster-y feeling things are both life-giving and life-taking? It takes MORE of me to do those things, but I get so much more back in return. How does that work?


+ Why is it so hard for me to try new things? I don't understand this about myself. I'm praying for courage in my life right now.


+ I love people, so so much.


+ What does it mean to cultivate creative land? How am I doing this for myself? How am I helping others do the same?


+ How long does it take old dreams to die?


+ What in my life am I missing out on right now by not being willing to risk?


I'm open to advice on any of the above questions :] Just a little peek into my headspace right now! Yikes!

In other news, I started making a new scrapbook/journal [scrounal?] tonight. So excited for that. Life book is growing beautifully. Evening pages are helping me sort so many thoughts. My piano is in the master bath right now since the house is getting a little reno work done, and the acoustics are amazing, and I'm not apologizing for playing the piano in the bathroom.



Look out for a new vlog coming Wednesday! I have something super exciting to share!

3 comments:

  1. Not that I have anything profound to say, but I thought I would answer your questions :)
    See below...

    + I think I could be pushed to the edge of myself every day if I could be refreshed as deeply as I was tonight, after the end of a very edge-pushing day.
    -It is important to be pushed...if you're never pushed, you won't know what you can truly accomplish in this life...


    + How is it that the riskiest/most roller-coaster-y feeling things are both life-giving and life-taking? It takes MORE of me to do those things, but I get so much more back in return. How does that work?
    -Think of it like a real rollercoaster...when you get on the rollercoaster, you're REALLY nervous and feel like your stomach might fall out of your body, but afterward, you're ZINGY with adrenaline and excitement :) It's the new and unfamiliar feeling of weightlessness and anti-gravity that makes you feel that way...same with life...it's the new, unfamiliar things that refresh you b/c it's not your regular, old, mundane thing...


    + Why is it so hard for me to try new things? I don't understand this about myself. I'm praying for courage in my life right now.
    -Don't take this the wrong way (you know I don't mean it in a mean way): you've always been sheltered. I don't mean that in the Ive-never-been-anywhere-or-done-anything way...but in the I've-been-blessed-to-be-taken-care-of kind of way...your family is blessed and thus, you've never had to worry about some things...thus, this makes you feel drawn to security and not taking risks(the safe, taken-care-of feeling...). Now, I don't think this is a permanent thing and you're showing great strides in confidence and courage :) I'm inspired by you daily :)


    + I love people, so so much.
    -And they love you :) you're so lovable Katie :) I don't know if you know that...but you are :)

    + What does it mean to cultivate creative land? How am I doing this for myself? How am I helping others do the same?
    -Cultivate creative land...hmm...I like that statement! Your journals and compositions and art should show you just how much land you're plowing in your creative farm :) You inspire me SO much Katie...you're doing your part :) trust me :) continue to be yourself and show your art to people...your courage is causing others to be brave as well (me:) thank you Nicole-KatieHolley-Nordeman :) )


    + How long does it take old dreams to die?
    -I don't think they ever do :)
    I think you just choose to pay attention to them for a certain period of time...if they've been a dream of yours at some point, I don't think they ever go away truly...they stick around in Ashley-land :)

    + What in my life am I missing out on right now by not being willing to risk?
    -LIFE. But, you're making steps every day to take risks :) I tell my students all the time, "what's the worst thing that could happen? You could be wrong? Well, heck. I'm wrong all the time :) it's okay...take a chance! If you're wrong, try again :)"

    i love you my friend. more than you could possibly know :)

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  2. ash i just love you so much.

    i'm being pushed out of safe places right now. and its so good.

    i'm grateful for the perspective you have on my life. be my friend forever? :]

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  3. of COURSE i'll be your friend foreeeeeeever :)

    ReplyDelete