creative life: the good, the bad, the salsa of it all.

I woke up at 5 Monday morning {which, by the way, is totally ungodly. I don't care who you are [hah, hi dad] but seriously. 5 am is just ... so wrong. I agree with my mommy: Vespers is the best time of day} But anyway, that's not the point here. I woke up at 5 Monday morning, and I began seriously and immediately craving salsa.

I don't know, I didn't question it, I just woke and knew: today, somehow, someway, I will have salsa.

It was like my soul needed salsa. And, magically, Betsy and I went to lunch at my new-slash-old favorite taqueria in Decatur [new because we've been there twice in the last week, and old, because the last time I was there was in highschool] and I ordered chips-and-salsa. And was presented with a beautiful plate of three varieties of salsa. I should have just eaten that for lunch. My soul was immediately happy.

I so wish that my creativity was like that plate of salsa: I craved, I said it out loud, and Bets took me to a place where I could get it. I wish I could:

*Get Inspired [crave]

*Fully imagine the whole experience [say it out loud]

*Have someone take me to the place I need to go to get what I need to complete it

But I find, more often now than ever, that my creativity is like a mountain, in that it's as much about the climbing as it is about being at the top. 

Sometimes it's as much about the craving as it is about satisfying the craving.

{both photos iPhone photos by (c)quiet+world+creative}

can't get enough [photos from the first day of spring]

I don't know what's changed.

but i can't get enough.

not enough food.

not enough sunshine.

not enough coffee, or happiness, or sleep, or greif.

i feel like there is an itch for life inside me that will never be scratched all the way.

i am content, but i feel like i will never have enough.

of life, you know?

i feel like i could swallow the moon, and still want more moonlight. i could read every word ever written, and still want to buy more books. 

can't get enough, won't get enough, need to get enough.

late night + Big Woods

depth of field love ...

love these tiny, itty flowers in my front yard right now:

confessions + gifts

my friend betsy says i have the spiritual gift of dream catching.

i don't know if i know about that, but i'm accessorized well if it's true.

i've been thinking a lot about gifts + dreams + life lately. i'm doing a lot of growing and changing, and that leads to lots of new thoughts.

in alice in wonderland, the Mad Hatter comments on Alice's loss of 'muchness'.

i feel like i've lost my muchness.

like i'm afraid to go after what i really want. like i might make someone mad if i do, or i might step on someone's toes, or someone might think i'm dumb if i open my mouth.

then last night: meltdown. full on angsty-angst meltdown. i'm getting really close to figuring out my dreams, and taking all kinds of leaps towards reaching them. but for every step forward, there are two steps back. that's part of growth, right? [yes]

after we wrapped filming a little project for the church, and i was melting down on the inside, my friend made me stand in the room we were using for filming and punch his hands. i don't know how to throw a punch, but he made me punch his hands anyway. i was surprised at what i found myself saying while we stood there.

i'm scared, i don't trust, i don't want, i do want, i can't, what if?
so much growth, so fast, means i might have forgotten who i am a little.

i've forgotten my muchness.

i'd like to sleep now, and work on remembering it when i wake up.

photos on the go

favorite recent iPhone photos. rest of the set can be found here.

I'm in a funk this week; one of those where I can't stop listening to the same forty-five seconds of one song. Over and over and over. Ever feel that way? 

January/February Journal

I closed the cover of my January/February journal-slash-life-book. I really didn't think I could finish a whole journal in two months, but apparently my life has been really really full the last few weeks!

I did a little styled photo shoot instead of scanning my pages. Natural light is my love!
The rest of the set can be found on flickr, here.

i listen to the foo fighters when i'm feisty.

today i feel:

*loud

*messy

*not nice

*managed

*pushed

*feisty

*cold

*cramped

*tired

*fast

change is coming. i don't know how, i don't know when or where, but it's coming.