iPhone photography : Spring!

Spring is here :] Judging by the thick yellow dust on my everything, Spring intends to make it's mark this year, too. Here are a few iPhone photos from the last few weeks:

[sunset @ tribble mill park]

[weeds and sunshine]

[light on the dock]

[easter gift from my mommy]

[chai and notes with Betsy]

[a door and a direction]

[starbucks date]

[i so want this cow coffee cup]

[and one of my all time favorite text messages, again from Bets]

creative life: the good, the bad, the salsa of it all.

I woke up at 5 Monday morning {which, by the way, is totally ungodly. I don't care who you are [hah, hi dad] but seriously. 5 am is just ... so wrong. I agree with my mommy: Vespers is the best time of day} But anyway, that's not the point here. I woke up at 5 Monday morning, and I began seriously and immediately craving salsa.

I don't know, I didn't question it, I just woke and knew: today, somehow, someway, I will have salsa.

It was like my soul needed salsa. And, magically, Betsy and I went to lunch at my new-slash-old favorite taqueria in Decatur [new because we've been there twice in the last week, and old, because the last time I was there was in highschool] and I ordered chips-and-salsa. And was presented with a beautiful plate of three varieties of salsa. I should have just eaten that for lunch. My soul was immediately happy.

I so wish that my creativity was like that plate of salsa: I craved, I said it out loud, and Bets took me to a place where I could get it. I wish I could:

*Get Inspired [crave]

*Fully imagine the whole experience [say it out loud]

*Have someone take me to the place I need to go to get what I need to complete it

But I find, more often now than ever, that my creativity is like a mountain, in that it's as much about the climbing as it is about being at the top. 

Sometimes it's as much about the craving as it is about satisfying the craving.

{both photos iPhone photos by (c)quiet+world+creative}

confessions + gifts

my friend betsy says i have the spiritual gift of dream catching.

i don't know if i know about that, but i'm accessorized well if it's true.

i've been thinking a lot about gifts + dreams + life lately. i'm doing a lot of growing and changing, and that leads to lots of new thoughts.

in alice in wonderland, the Mad Hatter comments on Alice's loss of 'muchness'.

i feel like i've lost my muchness.

like i'm afraid to go after what i really want. like i might make someone mad if i do, or i might step on someone's toes, or someone might think i'm dumb if i open my mouth.

then last night: meltdown. full on angsty-angst meltdown. i'm getting really close to figuring out my dreams, and taking all kinds of leaps towards reaching them. but for every step forward, there are two steps back. that's part of growth, right? [yes]

after we wrapped filming a little project for the church, and i was melting down on the inside, my friend made me stand in the room we were using for filming and punch his hands. i don't know how to throw a punch, but he made me punch his hands anyway. i was surprised at what i found myself saying while we stood there.

i'm scared, i don't trust, i don't want, i do want, i can't, what if?
so much growth, so fast, means i might have forgotten who i am a little.

i've forgotten my muchness.

i'd like to sleep now, and work on remembering it when i wake up.

things that have been inspiring me lately [photobooth photos :]]

I'm loving these markers right now: 

 

I could watch this movie every day until forever:

and masking tape!

 

and this book!

and a pretty spread in a journal from my lovely friend betsy 

 

and i'm making good progress on this little list: 

 

much love on this snowy weekend! xoxo

thinking + feeling + moving

Sometimes I think I am paralyzed in taking actions because I am equal parts thinker and feeler. One never over-rides the other. If it feels good to make a move, does it match up logically? If it's logical to make a move, does it feel right?

I need to make peace with the fact that sometimes, the right thing feels right to my intuition, but doesn't match up in numbers and logic. And sometimes logic and numbers are right, even though they don't feel to happy.

I need to make peace with both sides of my personality. Split down the middle, 50/50 artist and admin, it just means that I need to figure out how that works, and make it work for me, not against me.

That was my waking-up thought today. I'll let you know when I find out how it plays out in real life :]

transforming!

ps! before i go to sleep, a quickie pic of the new hair. i have more thoughts to share about the experience tomorrow :]

before! [fondly referred to as mufasa mane]

and after! still getting used to it, but looooving it so far!

pps - this is my usual pose while i'm sitting at the computer, when i'm not typing. just realized that as i sat and thought about this, and sat just like that.

risk + reward

Some musings tonight from my Evening Pages [supposed to be Morning Pages, but I'm trying something new, to see if it works better for me. Three pages of brain dumping at the end of the day. I'm sleeping way better and creating more, if that's any sign]


Just thoughts, I'll come back with more complete ones later ...


+ I think I could be pushed to the edge of myself every day if I could be refreshed as deeply as I was tonight, after the end of a very edge-pushing day.


+ How is it that the riskiest/most roller-coaster-y feeling things are both life-giving and life-taking? It takes MORE of me to do those things, but I get so much more back in return. How does that work?


+ Why is it so hard for me to try new things? I don't understand this about myself. I'm praying for courage in my life right now.


+ I love people, so so much.


+ What does it mean to cultivate creative land? How am I doing this for myself? How am I helping others do the same?


+ How long does it take old dreams to die?


+ What in my life am I missing out on right now by not being willing to risk?


I'm open to advice on any of the above questions :] Just a little peek into my headspace right now! Yikes!

In other news, I started making a new scrapbook/journal [scrounal?] tonight. So excited for that. Life book is growing beautifully. Evening pages are helping me sort so many thoughts. My piano is in the master bath right now since the house is getting a little reno work done, and the acoustics are amazing, and I'm not apologizing for playing the piano in the bathroom.


Look out for a new vlog coming Wednesday! I have something super exciting to share!

on getting a hair cut

A blog about getting a hair cut.

Not conventional, not important, not big or deep or transforming, in most worlds.

But in my world ... it's big. It's important and big and deep and transforming.

It means that it's 2010 - its a year for doing things. Not thinking about things [well, still thinking about things] but DOING things. That's my list of 24 before 25. Things to do. Do decide and define who I am.

That's this hair cut tomorrow. More about deciding where I want to go and getting there than just getting a hair cut.

I'm not doing a good job of explaining this, but I needed you to know. I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow, and it's more than a hair cut. The next time I'm here, I'll be different, and not just because I'll be blonde again.

life journaling

So I have this habit. And I'm not going to say whether it's good or bad, but just that it exists and I'm trying to break it. Because there is better for me, at least in this season.

My habit revolves around journal angst. Do you guys ever have journal angst? I have journal angst that involves several layers of grief.

Layer 1 [one] is a layer of 'the-book-has-to-be-just-right' syndrome. I only enjoy journaling on graph paper, in hard-backed journals, with certain pens, in certain light ... it goes on. And on. And on.

Layer 2 [dos] is a layer of 'the-book-has-to-be-just-right' PLUS 'i-have-to-have-specific-books-for-specific-things'. Last year, that meant each of the following:

a.] a journal for PWI teaching notes

b.] a journal to carry with me everywhere, and record odds and ends

c.] a planner, with more odds and ends

d.] morning pages, to dump journal angst [and all art angst] in the mornings

e.] a song-writing journal, for all of my incomplete songwriting ideas

f.] a visual journal, for all of that art journaling i needed to do

g.] a sketch book journal

h.] a brown-paper journal, for white chalk, black ink and the occasional splash of red

i.] artist's way journal, for artist's way notes

Uh, that's crazy. I'm aware.

Layer three [trois] of the crazy was all of the above PLUS PLUS a layer of 'i-have-to-be-in-the-right-space-[mental and physical]-for-this-to-work.'

Meaning that yes, every time I had something songwriting to write down, I had to wait until I was with my songwriting journal, in a songwriting headspace, ready to think songwriting thoughts. Which, of course, meant that when I got to that place, which was never perfect enough, I had lost the thought I originally was going to write down in the first place. Same with EVERY SINGLE JOURNAL I OWNED in 2009. Crazy - again, I'm aware.

So here we are, in 2010, and something has to change. Here's the plan - one life, one journal for said life. Everything caught in one book: inspiration, snippets of poetry, lists, budgets, notes, sketches, prayers, confessions, stories, calendars ... all in one book.

My life isn't perfect. It isn't neatly packaged, by any stretch of the imagination. I am coming to terms with the fact that I will be 'in transition' for the rest of my life. This is the life I want, though, and I need to stop wishing it was anything less. And in an attempt to mark and record an unperfect life, I need an unperfect journal ['imperfect', i know, but i like unperfect better. even though it's not a word].

Marking my unperfect life with an unperfect journal. Sounds perfect, huh?

my first vlog! [a story about a grant package]

Today was a crazy huge day at my job - a ginormous project left my desk and went to the post office, and this is a video blog about my adventures! I think it's pretty fun :]

katie's vlog - 1.1 from quietworldcreative on Vimeo.

rollercoaster part ii!

I'm feeling that roller coaster feeling all over! {job, relationships, life, church, art, writing, food}

Trying so hard to press in instead of back away. I think backing away has been survival mode for me for so long that I don't really know what non-survival mode is supposed to feel like.

Operating out of a healthy place can be harder than it should be sometimes. Especially when you fear risk more than anything. {like me!}


Erwin McManus says this:

WE like to pretend it's hard to follow our heart's dreams. The truth is it is difficult to avoid walking through the many doors that will open. Turn aside your dream and it will come back to you again. Get willing to follow it again and a second mysterious door will swing open.

I like to pretend that I'm scared of failure. Really, though, I'm not. I've failed. I've failed big and kept on going. I'm really scared of moving out of a safe place. I'm really scared of not knowing.

Julia Cameron says that: Safety is a very expensive illusion. How true is this? When I'm seemingly 'safe' {or in 'survival mode}, how safe am I, really? When I'm comfortable because I know, what do I know, really?

The success of creative recovery hinges on our ability to move out of the head and into action. This brings us squarely to risk. Most of us are practiced at talking ourselves out of risk. We are skilled speculators on the probably pain of self-exposure.

We deny that in order to do something well we must first be willing to do it badly. Instead, we opt for setting our limits at the point where we feel assured of success. Living within these bounds, we may feel stifled, smothered, despairing, bored. But, yes, we do feel safe. And safety is a very expensive illusion. {julia cameron, the artist's way}

I just stopped and asked myself why I'm writing this blog entry. I think I needed to talk myself down off of my uber-controlled, what-the-heck-am-i-doing ledge. Needed to remind myself that I'm doing good and right things, and those good and right things are also brave things - doing brave things sometimes means butterflies in your stomach. And that's not something I need to run from.

...

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begint to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark. {Agnes De Mille}

what i need to be able to function normally

This time of year, I hold tightly onto anything and everything beautiful, magical and shiny. The heavy things I tend to carry cause me to cling to simple beauty as a life-raft. Glitter brings me hope. Quiet and time and space to think brings me to tears. A blanket fort built as a surprise by friends drew the first real smile I've held in a week. Laying on the floor, looking up at the Christmas lights that held up the blankets reminded me that there is always hope. God does love me.

{and my friends love me too - they really did build me a surprise blanket fort. best christmas gift ever}

 

apples to apples :]

favorite set of portraits from christmas [looooving my new 50 mm prime lens. I officially take back any time I've ever thought of myself as a photographer before I had this lens].

24 things

24 things I want to do before I turn 25. They really aren't all huge, or appear huge, but some of them [like the edgy haircut] are big hurdles for me and I'd like to lean into them this year. Maybe next year's list will include loosing 25 pounds or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, but this year ... we'll tackle sketchbooks and haircuts!

best memories of 2009

more photo collages! get excited!

longest week ever.

this is how i feel this week:

from this girl, via tumblr.

top of the roller coaster

You know that feeling that you get when you ride a roller-coaster? When you're at the top of the first big hill, and the roller-coaster stops for just a second before letting you plummet to the bottom?  You can get that feeling in life, sometimes, too. Not everything is that top-of-the-hill stomach drop, but a lot of things come really close.

I'm learning that I often get a hint of that feeling, and do everything to stop it. Including never going on roller-coasters! Sometimes that feeling is called:

*Risk

*Trying new things

*Love

*Relationship

*Being the new girl

*Speaking up

*Being brave in my life and art

*Making my own choices

And since each of these things include a roller-coaster stomach-drop [for me] then ... I avoid them! At all costs! But what if ... life is about feeling that feeling as often as it comes?  What if I'm supposed to be leaning in to that feeling instead of running away? How much of my life have I missed at twenty-four?

I guess I'll be learning to lean in in 2010. What about you?

Decemberween!

Oh my goodness, is it the end of the first week of December and I haven't blogged anything yet?

Some yummy photos, inspirations and updates on recent art projects coming soon! Much Christmas-season love!

life images

this is a little collection of images from my inspiration file - some things/ideas i want more of in my life in the coming year. what do YOU want?

happy friday!

happy friday :]