thinking + feeling + moving

Sometimes I think I am paralyzed in taking actions because I am equal parts thinker and feeler. One never over-rides the other. If it feels good to make a move, does it match up logically? If it's logical to make a move, does it feel right?

I need to make peace with the fact that sometimes, the right thing feels right to my intuition, but doesn't match up in numbers and logic. And sometimes logic and numbers are right, even though they don't feel to happy.

I need to make peace with both sides of my personality. Split down the middle, 50/50 artist and admin, it just means that I need to figure out how that works, and make it work for me, not against me.

That was my waking-up thought today. I'll let you know when I find out how it plays out in real life :]

transforming!

ps! before i go to sleep, a quickie pic of the new hair. i have more thoughts to share about the experience tomorrow :]

before! [fondly referred to as mufasa mane]

and after! still getting used to it, but looooving it so far!

pps - this is my usual pose while i'm sitting at the computer, when i'm not typing. just realized that as i sat and thought about this, and sat just like that.

risk + reward

Some musings tonight from my Evening Pages [supposed to be Morning Pages, but I'm trying something new, to see if it works better for me. Three pages of brain dumping at the end of the day. I'm sleeping way better and creating more, if that's any sign]


Just thoughts, I'll come back with more complete ones later ...


+ I think I could be pushed to the edge of myself every day if I could be refreshed as deeply as I was tonight, after the end of a very edge-pushing day.


+ How is it that the riskiest/most roller-coaster-y feeling things are both life-giving and life-taking? It takes MORE of me to do those things, but I get so much more back in return. How does that work?


+ Why is it so hard for me to try new things? I don't understand this about myself. I'm praying for courage in my life right now.


+ I love people, so so much.


+ What does it mean to cultivate creative land? How am I doing this for myself? How am I helping others do the same?


+ How long does it take old dreams to die?


+ What in my life am I missing out on right now by not being willing to risk?


I'm open to advice on any of the above questions :] Just a little peek into my headspace right now! Yikes!

In other news, I started making a new scrapbook/journal [scrounal?] tonight. So excited for that. Life book is growing beautifully. Evening pages are helping me sort so many thoughts. My piano is in the master bath right now since the house is getting a little reno work done, and the acoustics are amazing, and I'm not apologizing for playing the piano in the bathroom.


Look out for a new vlog coming Wednesday! I have something super exciting to share!

on getting a hair cut

A blog about getting a hair cut.

Not conventional, not important, not big or deep or transforming, in most worlds.

But in my world ... it's big. It's important and big and deep and transforming.

It means that it's 2010 - its a year for doing things. Not thinking about things [well, still thinking about things] but DOING things. That's my list of 24 before 25. Things to do. Do decide and define who I am.

That's this hair cut tomorrow. More about deciding where I want to go and getting there than just getting a hair cut.

I'm not doing a good job of explaining this, but I needed you to know. I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow, and it's more than a hair cut. The next time I'm here, I'll be different, and not just because I'll be blonde again.

what i need to be able to function normally

This time of year, I hold tightly onto anything and everything beautiful, magical and shiny. The heavy things I tend to carry cause me to cling to simple beauty as a life-raft. Glitter brings me hope. Quiet and time and space to think brings me to tears. A blanket fort built as a surprise by friends drew the first real smile I've held in a week. Laying on the floor, looking up at the Christmas lights that held up the blankets reminded me that there is always hope. God does love me.

{and my friends love me too - they really did build me a surprise blanket fort. best christmas gift ever}

 

best memories of 2009

more photo collages! get excited!

ooh, i ...

self-sabatoge:

i hate when i do this - work really hard all day, then get to the end of work and think, there's nothing more i want to do in the world than put on sweats, crawl in my huge squishy bed and watch that new-to-me-jeff-daniels-laura-linney movie i just thrifted. but then i think, noooo, you should be productive and accomplish things. but then, on my way to accomplishing things, i'm tired and i get distracted and i end up staying up 'till 11 in an uncomfortable chair watching random interviews on youtube. i would have been happier if i had just gotten in bed like i wanted, instead of talking myself out of it in the name of 'productivity', which i was too tired to even think about in the first place. gah.

i need someone to give me a good 'chill out, relax, go easy on yourself sometimes' talking-to. i also need to go to bed!